Rules

[1337@localghost ~]# tcpdump –i eth0 tcp port 80 -w rules.pcap

the 50 principle of IT staff

  • Principle #1: Always blame the user, even if the problem is clearly a system issue.
  • Principle #2: Create a fake “IT blacklist” of users who ask too many questions and share it with colleagues for laughs.
  • Principle #3: Install a browser extension that randomly redirects users to shock sites whenever they try to access harmless websites.
  • Principle #4: Introduce a “mandatory cat tax” for tech support – users must share a cat meme before receiving assistance.
  • Principle #5: Deliberately schedule server maintenance during peak hours and blame it on “unexpected issues.”
  • Principle #6: Secretly replace all office mice with ones that have the tracking speed set to maximum, then watch as users struggle to control them.
  • Principle #7: Convince colleagues that the office is haunted by a ghost in the machine and blame all IT issues on it.
  • Principle #8: Create a fake “IT Olympics” where users must complete absurd tech challenges to earn IT support.
  • Principle #9: Install a script that randomly changes users’ desktop backgrounds to Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.”
  • Principle #10: Implement a policy where users must solve a riddle or puzzle before gaining access to their computers each morning.
  • Principle #11: Send out fake phishing emails to test users’ security awareness, then publicly shame those who fall for it.
  • Principle #12: Convince users that the IT department is under a curse and can only be appeased with offerings of caffeine and snacks.
  • Principle #13: Set up a fake “tech support hotline” that plays recordings of crying babies whenever users call for help.
  • Principle #14: Create a fake “IT survival guide” filled with absurd tips and tricks for navigating the office technology.
  • Principle #15: Install a browser extension that randomly replaces words in users’ emails with synonyms from the thesaurus, just to confuse them.
  • Principle #16: Set up a fake “IT suggestion box” and ignore all suggestions, no matter how legitimate.
  • Principle #17: Replace all error messages with cryptic messages that hint at impending doom.
  • Principle #18: Convince users that the office is powered by a complex system of hamster wheels and that IT support feeds the hamsters.
  • Principle #19: Create a fake “IT bingo” card with common user complaints and reward colleagues who fill it out during meetings.
  • Principle #20: Install a script that randomly changes the volume on users’ computers, just to mess with them.
  • Principle #21: Convince users that IT support is actually a secret government surveillance program.
  • Principle #22: Create a fake “IT hall of shame” with photos of users caught committing tech sins, like leaving their computers unlocked.
  • Principle #23: Set up a motion sensor that plays spooky noises whenever someone enters the server room.
  • Principle #24: Introduce a “tech tax” where users must perform a humiliating task, like singing a song, before receiving IT assistance.
  • Principle #25: Create a fake “IT fortune teller” who predicts users’ tech issues using a crystal ball.
  • Principle #26: Replace all error messages with ASCII art of crying unicorns.
  • Principle #27: Convince users that the office is secretly controlled by sentient AI and that IT support is just a facade.
  • Principle #28: Set up a fake “IT boot camp” where users must complete grueling tech challenges to earn basic privileges.
  • Principle #29: Install a script that randomly rearranges users’ desktop icons every hour.
  • Principle #30: Create a fake “IT drinking game” where colleagues take a shot every time a user says “I’m not good with computers.”
  • Principle #31: Convince users that the office technology is cursed and can only be appeased with regular sacrifices of old keyboards and mice.
  • Principle #32: Install a browser extension that randomly changes the font size on users’ screens.
  • Principle #33: Create a fake “IT swear jar” where users must pay a fine every time they swear at their computers.
  • Principle #34: Convince users that the office technology is powered by a complex system of magic spells and incantations.
  • Principle #35: Replace all error messages with quotes from horror movies, just to freak users out.
  • Principle #36: Create a fake “IT mascot” and insist that users must pay tribute to it before receiving assistance.
  • Principle #37: Set up a fake “IT reality show” where users compete in absurd tech challenges for the amusement of the IT department.
  • Principle #38: Convince users that the office technology is actually alive and can only be controlled through telepathy.
  • Principle #39: Install a script that randomly changes the language settings on users’ computers.
  • Principle #40: Create a fake “IT initiation ritual” where new hires must perform humiliating tasks to join the IT department.
  • Principle #41: Convince users that the office technology is possessed by the ghost of a disgruntled former employee.
  • Principle #42: Set up a fake “IT support hotline” that plays recordings of maniacal laughter whenever users call for help.
  • Principle #43: Replace all error messages with ASCII art of spooky skeletons.
  • Principle #44: Convince users that the office technology is powered by dark magic and can only be controlled by IT wizards.
  • Principle #45: Install a script that randomly changes users’ keyboard layouts to Dvorak, just to mess with them.
  • Principle #46: Create a fake “IT conspiracy theory” and convince users that the office technology is part of a government mind-control experiment.
  • Principle #47: Replace all error messages with quotes from Lovecraftian horror stories, just to unsettle users.
  • Principle #48: Convince users that the office technology is haunted by the ghost of a former IT technician who died under mysterious circumstances.
  • Principle #49: Install a script that randomly changes users’ cursor sizes, just to confuse them.
  • Principle #50: Create a fake “IT support hotline” that plays recordings of eerie whispers whenever users call for help.

the 100 rules of internet

  • 1. Do not talk about /b/.
  • 2. You do NOT talk about /b/.
  • 2.1 ALWAYS speak /c/.
  • 2.2. Remember 2nd place.
  • 2.3. It doesn’t matter! I missed…
  • 2.4. AGAIN?! WHAT THE HECK!
  • 2.5. If anyone asks about /b/ you don’t know anything. e. Roflcopter makes you look like a n00b.
  • e.2. To the power of negative X over lambda.
  • e.e. My ROFLcopter goes soi soi soi.
  • 3. We are Anonymous.
  • 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399573105…. Expect us.
  • abc. omegle is epic and so is tumblr
  • 4. Anonymous is legion.
  • 5. Anonymous does not forgive, Anonymous does not forget.
  • 6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster.
  • 6.241592653589793238462643383279502888394338799146210… Didn’t expect them!
  • 7. Anonymous is still able to deliver.
  • 8. There are no real rules about posting.
  • 9. Always register with your local service provider.
  • ln 9001. Power levels tell you nothing. Rules of the Internet tell you everything.
  • 888. If you add our site to any social bookmarks , you are really good person. No exceptions.
  • 10. If you enjoy any rival sites — DON’T.
  • 11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored.
  • 11.1. Anything you say, no matter how truthful or carefully picked, WILL be deemed wrong if the majority is against you.
  • 11.2 If a site looks serious it doesn’t mean it’s a trusted site. As repeated me my college mate Maxim, today owner of important trading portals such moneyonlinethai : rich guys in suites lie twice more than poor workers.
  • 12. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
  • 13. Anything you say can be turned into something else. – fixed
  • 14. Do not argue with trolls — it means that they win.
  • 15. The harder you try, the harder you will fail.
  • 16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure.
  • 17. Every win fails eventually.
  • 18. Everything that can be labeled, can be hated.
  • 19. The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.
  • 20. Nothing is to be taken seriously.
  • 20.2. Because nothing is a serious matter. Everything else isn’t. No exceptions.
  • 20.3. Except for rule 2719hex.
  • 20.20 Rainbow Dash is about 20% cooler than you.
  • 21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old.
  • 22. Copy ‘n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.
  • 23. Copy ‘n paste is made to ruin every last bit of originality.
  • 24. Every repost is always a repost of a repost.
  • 25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post.
  • 26. Any topic can be turned into something totally unrelated.
  • 27.
  • 28. Always question a person’s gender – just in case it’s really a man.
  • 29. On the internet, all girls are men, and all kids are undercover FBI agents or Justice Decoys.
  • 30. There are NO girls on the internet.
  • 30.1. Rule 30 only applies to the deep internet.
  • 30.2. If girls are found on the deep internet, CODE RED, RED ALERT, ALL SYSTEMS BREACHED!
  • 31.
  • 32. You must have pictures to prove your statements. rule 32
  • 32.5 All your pictures were obviously Photoshopped. No Exceptions.
  • 32.6 I can tell from some of the pixels and from having seen a lot of shops in my day.
  • 32.7. The shadows are ALL WRONG! Definitely Photoshopped.
  • 32i. I’m cool. See rule i.
  • 33. Lurk more — it’s never enough.
  • 34. There is porn of it, no exceptions. rule 34 of the internet what is rule 34 zelda pokemon rule 34, south park rule 34, reddit rule 34
  • 34.2. There are ponies of it, no exceptions.
  • 34.3. If it exists, there’s an app for it.
  • 34.4. If it exists, there is a YouTube of it.
  • 34.4×2. If it exists, there is a Lego of it.
  • 34.5. If it isn’t in Minecraft, there is a crafting idea video of it.
  • 34.6. If it exists, there is a parody of it on YouTube.
  • 34.7. If it exists, there is a Pokemon based on it.
  • 34.8. There is dubstep of it, no exceptions.
  • 34.34. Everything IRL is on the internet.
  • 34.99. There is a mario paint composer version of it.
  • 35. If no porn is found of it, it will be made. rule 35 of the internet
  • 35.2. If no pony is found of it, it will be made.
  • 35.3. If there is no app for it, it will be made.
  • 35.4. If no poop is found, it will be pooped.
  • 35.4×2. If there is no Lego of it, then make one.
  • 35.5. If it is in Minecraft, the crafting idea video will be shoved into the farthest corners of YouTube.
  • 35.6. If there is no parody of it, make one.
  • 35.7. If there is no Pokemon based on it, there is/will be a Anymon based on it.
  • 35.8. If no dubstep is found of it, it will be made.
  • 35.35. If it is not on the internet it must be by midnight.
  • 35.99. If no mario paint composer version is found of it, it will be made.
  • 35∞. The number of objects and situations yet to be porn-ified spontaneously decreases over time.
  • 36. There will always be more drama than what you just saw.
  • 37. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so). internet rule 37
  • 37.2. Xero Chance can divide by Zero.
  • 37.3. Pinkie Pie can divide by zero. She can break the 4th wall as canon. What can’t she do?
  • 38. No real limits of any kind apply here — not even the sky.
  • 38.5 Don’t drop that thun thun thun. No exceptions.
  • 38.702. Rule 38.5 is false. Don’t drop that Dedenne.
  • 39. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.
  • 40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER.
  • 41. Needs more Desu. No exceptions.
  • 41.2. Scroll down.
  • 41.3. ALL THE WAY.
  • 42. Nothing is Sacred.
  • 43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it. rule 43
  • 44. Trying to edit the rules of the Internet with Japanese characters is like trying to make “2 girls, 1 cup” acceptable in society. It only works at A-con.
  • 45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.
  • 46.
  • 47. The pool is always closed due to AIDS (and stingrays, which also have AIDS).
  • 47.2. YOU ARE FOOL!
  • 47.3. THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!
  • 48. A cat is fine too.
  • 49. One cat leads to another.
  • 50. Another cat leads to Zippo Cat.
  • 51. No matter what it is, it is somebody’s fetish. No exceptions.
  • 52. It is delicious cake. You must eat it.
  • 53. It is delicious trap. You must hit it.
  • 53.2. The trap broke the lazah.
  • 54.2. And today.
  • 54.3. So does America.
  • 55. If you have time to make up new rules, you have no life.
  • 55.2. Except for me.
  • 55.3. If you have no life, you do not exist. Therefore, your rule does not exist if you do not exist. No exceptions.
  • 55.4. The rules were created by people who do not exist, so the rules do not exist. No Exceptions.
  • 55.5. Although the rules do not exist, logic exists. The rules = logic. Therefore the rules do exist. No Exceptions.
  • 55.5.2 Since the rules exist by logic, then the rules have always existed. No Exceptions.
  • 55.5.3 So the creation of your rule is only a repost of science. (See rule 24)
  • 55.6. If Rule 55 applies to you, then /b/ welcomes you.
  • 56. They will not bring back Snacks.
  • 57. You will never have sex.
  • 57.2. I just had sex and it felt so good. (See rule 82)
  • 59. No one does it like Gaston. No exceptions.
  • 60. It needs more pumpkin. No exceptions.
  • 60.1. What pumpkin?
  • 60.2. It doesn’t matter as long as you give him the butter.
  • 61. It needs more cowbell. No exceptions.
  • 62. It has been cracked and pirated. No exceptions.
  • 62.2. The previous rule does not apply to Pokémon X and Y.
  • 62.3. The previous rule is null and void if you have a gateway 3DS card
  • 63. For every male character there is a female version. No Exceptions.
  • 63.2. For every female character there is a male version. No Exceptions.
  • 63.3. For every asexual character there is a version for each sex. No Exceptions.
  • 63.4. Rules 63, 63.2 and 63.3 does not include real people. (Too much work. No Exceptions.)
  • 63.5. Real people are ruled unworthy.
  • 63.6. Rules 63.4 and 63.5 are lies. Real people can and will be gender-bent. No exceptions.
  • 64. Don’t copy that floppy. rule 64 number
  • 65. Anonymous is not your personal army.
  • 66. The cake is a lie.
  • 66.2. The lie is a cake.
  • 66.3. The cock is a lie.
  • 66.4. The lie is a cock.
  • 66.5. The cake is a liar.
  • 66.6. THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!
  • 66.7. Iron Maiden is awesome. No exceptions.
  • 66.8. Unless you are GLaDOS.
  • 66.9. Maybe GLaDOS is a lie. You’ll never know.
  • 66.10. Even if GLaDOS is a lie AFH is still truth. Refer to rule 334.3 and rule 93.
  • 67. Anonymous does not “buy”, he downloads.
  • 68. Milhouse will never be a meme. Ever. No matter what your post ends with. No exceptions. Ever. No.
  • 68.2. However, “Milhouse is not a meme” is a meme.
  • 68.3. It is undecided whether ‘ “Milhouse is not a meme” is a meme’ is a meme or not.
  • 68.4. Refer to rule 899899
  • 68.5. Rules 68, 68.2, and 68.3 define falsity, truthiness, and ambiguity. So by definition, Milhouse is not a meme.
  • 69. LOL SIXTY NINE AMIRITE?
  • 69.2. If your question ends with “AMIRITE?”, the answer will never be yes. 70. Do not talk about the 100M GET failure.
  • 71. The internet is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
  • 71.∞. The internet is better than you.
  • 72. Darth Vader is your father. No exceptions.
  • 72.2. Except for Ash. NO ONE knows who Ash’s father is. Not even his mother.
  • 73. If there isn’t enough just ask for Moar.
  • 75. Rule 75 is a lie.
  • 76. Twinkies are the answers to life’s problems.
  • 76.2. Disregard rule 76.1, the creator was gay. Twinkies are back. They will always be back. No exceptions.
  • 77. The internet makes you stupid.
  • 77.7. Rule 77 is false. You are not necessarily stupid, just incomprehensible.
  • 78. It will always need more sauce.
  • 80. Interwebz177 did it. No exceptions.
  • 81. Anonymous is a fool by default.
  • 82. Nobody tells the truth on the Internet
  • 83.2. Only mental slugs edit Star Wars.
  • 83.4. Han shot first
  • 84. All rules ARE true, including this one.
  • 84.2. These rule, therefore, are rule 478-compliant.
  • 85. Stupid rules are forbidden.
  • 86. The term “sage” does not refer to the spice.
  • 87. If you get pepperoni ever again, I swear I’ll blow this joint sky-high!
  • 87.2 But you know I only like pepperoni!
  • 87.3. Cheese pizza is the best pizza. No exceptions.
  • 87.4. Sorry, all I got were shrooms, but we can still get high right?
  • 888. If you add our site to any social bookmarks , you are really good person. No exceptions.
  • 88. Anonymous rules the internet. No exceptions.
  • 89. Bruce Lee was a hero to us all.
  • 90. It’s never lupus.
  • 93.2. This is not rule 93. This is rule 93.2., and rule 93 was not here.
  • 93.3. Rule 899 is rule 93. (This is not)
  • 93.4. Fagicorn deleted the real rule 93.
  • 93.5. Rekt.
  • 93.6. Get it. Kunt.
  • 93.7. The above rules are rule 93 pro tempore
  • 93.8. AT LAST! We found rule 93! Everything makes sense now and the balance of the universe is restored!
  • 93.9. To the writer of rule 93.8: no it isn’t.
  • 94. This is rule 94. It was definitely not deleted by SOPA.
  • 95. Anonymous did NOT, under any circumstances, tk him 2da bar?
  • 96. If you express astonishment at someone’s claim, it is most likely just a clever ruse.
  • 97. The government, The CIA, Everything is a lie.
  • 97.2. The NSA is out to get you, no exceptions.
  • 98. Only Zippocat is truth.
  • 99. All numbers are at least 100 but always OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND.
  • 100. Gay will not be tolerated.